Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power
I was gifted Sister Outsiders by Audre Lorde from my dear friend, Fan, at my Lunar New Year’s Eve party. Coincidentally, in early March, Fan shared the information about an Audre Lorde workshop series for Women’s History Month at the Brooklyn Library. He said: you should go! I quickly signed up and eventually went to all three of them. This workshop series and Audre Lorde’s work has changed my life.
“The erotic is a measure between the beginnings of our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honor and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves.”
“The very word erotic comes from the Greek word eros, the personification of love in all it aspects — born of Chaos, and personifying creative power and harmony. When I speak of the erotic, then, I speak of it as an assertion of the life-force of women; of that creative energy empowered, the knowledge and use of which we are now reclaiming in our language, our history, our dancing, our loving, our work, our lives.”
The erotic is often stigmatized and reduced to pornography, which she defined as “the opposite of erotic” and “sensation without feeling”. Erotic power liberates women to connect deeply with their feelings and sense of self. We cannot deny that depth of feelings once we have experienced it, and therefore, it is a power within to resist the oppression.
She said: “… the lack of concern for the erotic root and satisfaction of our work is felt in our disaffection from so much of what we do. For instance, how often do we truly love our work even at its most difficult? The principal horror of any system which defines the good in terms of profit rather than in terms of human need, or which defines human need to the exclusion of the psychic and emotional components of that need — the principal horror of such system is that it robs our work of its erotic value, its erotic power and life appeal and fulfillment. Such a system reduces work to a travesty of necessities, a duty by which we earn bread or oblivion for ourselves and those we love. But this is tantamount to blinding a painter and then telling her to improve her work, and to enjoy the act of painting. It is not only next to impossible, it is also profoundly cruel.”
I resonated so much with her statement on how the system built on maximizing profits than human needs deprives the erotic value. I started to redefine what “success” and “work” are. In order to survive, we cannot use money/bread as a measure for our aspirations and sense of completion. “Work” could be so many different things other than just “jobs” — it could be passion, love, sharing joy with others, and more. The capitalist definition of success delineates oneself from one’s feelings, emotions, happiness, and joy. We are all taught to work 9-5 and make money so we can “get married and buy a house”. Or, “earn a title and salary that would make parents proud”. However, I know so many people, including myself, who are not fulfilled at work. It is a tool that traps us from fully realizing our potentials,. We trade our time for money, and it kills creativity. Creative work is not compensated well nor valued by the capitalist society.
In the workplace, women are instructed not to show feelings and emotions, to “keep your head down and grind”, to be senseless in order to “be successful”. I remembered a participant from the workshop shared a story of going to a business panel for minority women. Someone asked the panelists, who were all considered very “successful” with leadership titles, questions about how do you manage work life balance or how to respond when women are told they show too much emotion. Panelist said “you don’t feel, you grind”. It was unfortunately the complete opposite of erotic value. No doubt, it led to the deprivation of joy and love. This is so sad because to survive the system that devalues erotic needs and values, we are forced to disregard our sense of fulfillment and joy. It is not sustainable as human beings pursuing happiness and being creatures who thrive when we are heard, respected, and valued.
In the essay, Audre Lorde mentioned this example of how the erotic functions for her: being creative and open to feel joy: “In the way my body stretches to music and opens into response, hearkening to its deepest rhythms, so every level upon which I sense also opens to the erotically satisfying experience, whether it is dancing, building a bookcase, writing a poem, examining an idea.” I love the examples because even though they seem to be trivial, they brought her love and joy. For me, the discussion in the workshop, the conversations I have with people, the time I reflect upon my life and my career, and when I create art/write… each piece contains erotic value — they bring me clearance and change my way of thinking.
“I find the erotic such a kernel within myself. When released from its intense and constrained pellet, it flows through and colors my life with a kind of energy that heightens and sensitizes and strengths all my experience.”
This is such a powerful statement and a great analogy. I cannot unsee the erotic now. I start to check-in with myself more, listen to my gut, and try to let erotic values guide me. I make sure I feel the sense of satisfaction and fullness even in the environment that forbids emotions and feelings. The erotic power is indeed a kernel, once it’s released, it gradually flows into every aspect of my life, and liberates me bit by bit. It is quite uncomfortable sometimes because I know I am not happy in some scenarios where I have no other option but to endure. However, I could try to find things that could bring me joy and fulfillment. Regaining erotic power is my resistance against the oppression.
